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The problem: My child is too focused on their body and may have body image issues.

Model a healthy body image and positive mindset.

Do: If you’re always on a diet and express dissatisfaction with your own body, you teach your child to do the same. Instead, try modeling good eating habits and acceptance of your body. This is the best way to pass these healthy behaviors on to your child.

Celebrate your body and your child’s body for what it can do, not how it looks.

Do: Emphasize that a healthy, strong body supports your child in all of the things they want to do — be it sports, playing, dancing around, or even just laughing. If your child isn’t interested in sports, encourage other kinds of movement that promote strength and feels good, such as dancing, hiking, going on bike rides, or practicing martial arts. (You can check out our ultimate list of extracurriculars for ideas.)

Watch for signs of an eating disorder.

Do: Warning signs include weight loss, unusual behavior around food, excessive exercise, and withdrawing from normal activities. If you notice any of these, talk to your child’s doctor, especially if you’re worried that your child may be developing an unhealthy body image.

Walk the walk.

Do: Pay attention to how you respond to media images of masculine and feminine beauty. Are there women’s magazines lying around the house? Do your comments about celebrity bodies undermine your conversations about what a normal healthy body looks like?

Don’t comment on your child’s body — or anyone’s body.

Don’t make observations about your child’s body, whether positive or negative, or compare their body to others’, even lightly. Your words carry tremendous weight with your child. They won’t feel good about their body if they get the idea that you’re scrutinizing it. For that matter, try not to comment on anyone’s body shape or size. When you prioritize the content of a person’s character over what they look like, your child will learn to do that, too.

Focus on your child’s feelings.

Say: “You seem pretty focused on trying to lose weight/get that six pack, etc. Can we talk about what’s behind this?”

Don’t make your child feel watched.

Don’t say: “Look at you! You’re so beautiful! You don’t need to change your body!”

Why this approach to body image matters

You may feel like your child just needs a healthy dose of praise about the thing they feel insecure about: their body. But these feelings of insecurity are not so much about their body as about their precarious sense of self in a world where people are judged constantly about their appearance. Flattery about their body will not erase an entire pop culture obsessed with hard-bodied men and size 0 women.

If your child is feeling insecure about their looks, get them to explore the feelings underneath that. Help them recognize examples of our culture’s obsession with body image. Teens and tweens are naturally self-conscious about the changes their bodies are going through. Unfortunately, many of the images they see are not good models for what a healthy human body looks like.